Welcome to the HeartStory Counseling blog! This is the place where I post thoughts, resources, and tools for travelers on the road to self-belonging.
What is self-belonging?
A person who has self-belonging knows what they believe in and what their values are, and has a sense of purpose that acts as a true north compass for their lives.
Other words for self-belonging are identity formation and individuation. Self-belonging is at the very core of what I’m up to here at HeartStory.
In the 1960’s researchers began to think about identity formation as important to the work of self-becoming. One researcher, James Marcia, asked his subjects how they came by their adult identities. What he found is that exploration and commitment, are two key ingredients. He concluded it was only those participants who had both explored AND ultimately made commitments to the things that mattered to them most who arrived at what he called identity achievement (and what I call self-belonging).
I help people on the road to self-belonging find and trust their deepest knowing, and then find the courage to take action on it. Everything you find here on my blog will be in service to your self-belonging.
There will be posts here about boundary setting and how to do it well because self-belonging means we know where we begin and where another ends.
There will be posts here on internal parts of self work because self-belonging only happens when all aspects of the self are given a place at the table (if this idea is foreign to you now, don’t worry! I’ll break it down for you.)
There will be posts here about values because knowing what our values are is the most powerful compass for decision making ever.
There will be posts here about how to have communication based in equality and mutual respect. Self-belonging is rooted in the idea that if I have a right to self-belonging, every one else does too and my relationships work best when I start there.
There will be posts here about sexuality and sexual identities. Self-belonging begins in the body, in the ways that we express identity, and in our right to love who we love.
There will be posts here about social justice and the earth because I don’t think self-belonging happens in isolation. We get there traveling together.
Some of these posts may be more self-disclosing than you’re used to seeing on a typical psychotherapy blog. That’s because I don’t think the world needs more blank slate medical model experts so much as it needs more people willing to stand in their truth and make use of their voices. I’ve been on my own long journey on the road to self-belonging and I’ll offer what I can to you from one traveler to another.
Of course, my self-belonging and your self-belonging will look different. My mission isn’t actually to convince you of my point of view on any of these topics. It’s to walk along with you as you define your own boundaries, your own internal parts, your own values, and your own identities. To own yourself and to live with passion and purpose. My deepest wishes for you.
I do sincerely hope this blog will be of service. Because this is a psychotherapy blog and many of my readers will be clients or clients-to-be, I’ve chosen to keep comments private and not post them publicly.
I hope you will still feel free to drop me a line and tell me how an article relates to your own self-belonging work, no matter who you are!
If you would like to be part of a more public group discussion of these topics, let me know! I may offer a discussion group of some kind in the future.